Remember that time you popped a button on our school dress because the school dress couldn't cope with all that boobage? That was hilarious! That button popped off so hard it went flying across the classroom!
Also, remember how short we used to hem that dress though, even then we knew that this body would get us attention!
We moved to England and this was it, your chance to start a fresh! Wipe the slate clean and start all over again!
And fuck me, we did it!
This is the first full length picture we took together in England.
And it started a flow of confidence, which was great because it got us our very first job! Where we met some people, who we thought were good people.
And we spent a LOT of time doing stuff like this ...
...... lets admit it body, we didn't like ourselves then did we?
Even though we always put on a brave face, we were keeping a secret inside which really in hindsight we should have blurted out AGES ago, but when you're in the situation, it's hard to see straight.
I'll share a bit on this... I was living with Tracy, a friend from my first job.
And it was kinda awesome, moving out alone for the first time, never having to explain where I am, who im out with, what Im spending my money on... Actually, I did have to do those things. Tracy was very controlling and was emotionally abusive. And she always wanted to know what I was doing, where I was going, who I was seeing. She banned any men in the house that werent mutual friends. I had to sneak around with men. Which is ridiculous. Often I would wear revealing clothing because I enjoyed my body and wanted people to see it and to show it off, but she would call me out for wanting attention, wanting guys to look at me, looking for trouble. It was a hard time in my life because I let someone change my opinion of myself. And that made me upset. And BITTER! So fucking bitter! It got to the point where I would dread going home after work because I knew there would be something that she would complain about. Id call my mom crying on the bus going home nearly every day. I finally got out when she threatened to "kick my head in" when we were on holiday in Turkey, and I knew then i needed to leave the friendship and get into a more positive environment.
But then body... then we got our groove back!
We got our Lisa back! And it started a revolution of body love for us.
We moved back in with mom and dad in Sheffield (well peak district) and we met some boys who were kinda scared of our body, which was sucky, but still, least we were growing that self worth.
This was round about the time we found Tumblr!!!!!!
(what a discovery that was eh)
I found body positive blogs, blogs where bodies like mine were shown in such a positive light. And I was inspired!
This is the first ever image we posted to the internet where it showed something a bit more than just those boobs which everyone seemed to like. This was a scary scary in fact frightening moment.
But we did it! And it felt SO good! To see the notes come flying in on this image of my body, was such a shock, in a good way!
It was also about this time when we when we met that one boy who helped us more than he will ever know!
(i met him on a dating site)
I asked him if he liked chubby/fat girls and he said he liked all girls.
The one thing that stuck out from that first night we were together was how differently we felt about our body when he touched us, remember how it felt so different to when other boys touched us. It was weird but so wonderful at the same time. Remember how much of a relief it was when he touched our stomach like it was no big deal?!? That was it, one of the moments which built us up to be this magnificent woman we/I am today!
More insight... Richard and I had a 2 year long relationship which really changed me as a person. For the better of course! I was a mini rad fat when we met and when it ended I was/and continue to be very into body positivity and body love.
Richard never shied away from making fat jokes about me whilst we were with his friends. He used to/still does introduce me as fat bird. The fact that he was so comfortable with my body helped me become so much more comfortable with it too.
Body, we have come so far and are just getting better! We just keep getting stronger and stronger and loving ourself more and more. And it has been a pleasure to discover this body of ours! Specially the parts we're meant to hide!
Remember that time we traced the lines of our stretch marks?
And remember that nude shoot with those babes....
Oh body, we are in our prime now!
Your lumps and bumps are what make you, me! And we both love that!
There really isnt much that I regret doing with you body! I love taking pictures of you, showing off those lumps and bumps! Because they truly are beautiful!
You get me where I need to be body, and I know I don't let you sleep enough, for that I am sorry. But not for anything else body! Everything we have done in our life has been amazing! And will continue to be even more amazing!
Thank you for always carrying me body!
I truly do love you!
And thanks to Leah for starting this workshop! I am not gonna lie, its been so weird to write this post. It has been good to reflect on times gone by, and of course its always good to look to the future, but most of all, its reminded me about how far my body has come and how far my attitude to my body has come too!